Feeling Down..

It's such a shame..
When you sacrifice so much for one thing .. and find that it amounts to nothing,
Or when you find that the one person you look up to.. is really not that great,
When one small thing .. destroys everything.

Ain't that a shame.. my tears felt like rain!
There's really no one to blame.. I feel so blue
Why do I fell like a wreck?
How come the skies are all gray?

My, oh my, how can this be.
I wish I didn't wish so hard..now everything is falling apart
Oh my soul is dying.. it's crying
I'm trying to understand.. Please help me

Why does it hurt so bad?
Why do I feel so sad?

So.. What's been happ'ning?

Another busy week as a student has passed.. something I feel amazed at how fast things seems to pass.. one moment it's Monday morning and a blink later.. it's Friday night.. This week has been extra strenous somehow and the state of my room is taking its toll..
Today is going to be my unwind day, the day that I'll put my feet up, sit back and watch the world roll by..

Today, the Malaysian Student Association (persisma) is finally having our combined Raya Haji & Chinese New Year celebration.. can't make it though.. there's somewhere else I have to be, something else I have to do.. wish I could be there though, but what the heck! I've been trying to find out when this event will be since last week so that I could make plans but they changed the timing 48 hours ago.. which is too late for me to change my plans.. . apparently due to the recent university budget cut, any events after noon will have to pay $125 to book the room during the weekend.. so to save a little 'buck or two', they made changes to the original plan.. so that's it.. a bit disappointed, but can't do much about it.. the world doesn't revolve around me, I know..

So let's start with a summary of this drastic week..
Monday.
Just as having my ex-Malay-roommate bringing home her boyfriend til the break of dawn day-in-day-out was not a comfortable ordeal for me as a Malay.. I found that it's also not a 'happy" situation for some Americans too.. On Monday Timber moved out into a different room cause she couldn't stand Angie bringing in guys home at night. They share a room together but Timber doesn't get to sleep in her room until 3 in the morning.. that and other personal issues was just too much for her to bear.. Timber and I would talk about it at breakfast and I agree with her decision cause with the way things are going, Angie is not getting any better.. so she made the choice to move.. I helped her move with the help of our CA. Angie finally came home late that night, probably from the pub or something and was shocked that half of the house is empty.. I don't know how she got into my room cause I remember locking the door when I sleep but she woke me up and ask where Timber is.. I was so groggy, I don't even know what I said to her, but she finally left the room.. I think she asked me if Timber moved out because of her, and I just said yes! ..

Adam also returned back to Minnesota safely on Monday. At first he got stranded in the snow storm in Nebraska, but he finally made it. I haven't seen him in the last 6 months, he's changed a bit. He'll be travelling again in March, so the visit to Minnesota is really a short one.

Got an email from the IT Global Studies that there's a summer program in Germany, sounds like a good opportunity and it fits quite well with my German capability.. thought of applying..


Tuesday
I finally went to visit Diaz.. It wasn't really planned so I wasn't prepared with a get well gift..I was at Coffman Union when I decided to visit her in between my classes, so I went to Starbucks and bought a tin of chocolate covered buscuits and went to her room..I stayed there talking to her mum and her.. she showed me the scar and a polaroid picture during the operation.. she looked so pale, I hope she's getting better.

I got home that evening and found Angie trying to eat spagetti with a barbeque fork cause we didn't have any silverware, it turns out that all the silverware we had before was Timber's.. we also don't have a toaster and a bunch of other stuff.. I had given away so much of my stuff when I moved that it would be bad to ask for it back... so, guess what's in our shopping list?

Got an email from the Malaysian Embassy which is an advisory note to all Malaysian students in USA which gives us a list of things we need to do as an emergency preparation in case of a war. They told us to keep an escape bag containing personal documents, money, 3-day supply of food, emergency kit and clothes & sanitation as well as a mean of communication and a list of post-emergency contact numbers in case of an emergency.. last Saturday we got an email from George Aylward, Interim Assistant Vice President for Public Safety at the University which announces that the federal law enforcement officials issued an "orange" alert for the nation and encouraged heightened security. They want to reassure us that the safety and security of the University community is among their top priorities.. and that together we need to help each other to keep our campus safe and ensure a speedy, effective response in the event of a safety threat. On the same day I also got an email from a company selling emergency gas masks to the public.. I saw it on TV too a few days before in the news where there's some people out there who are really getting ready for war by stocking up on canned food and fueling up and buying protective gears including gas masks for their family..well if reading the emergency evacuation plan does make you think about the 'proposed' war I don't know what would.. but there's still no cause for panic.. COMMON SENSE MUST PREVAIL AT ALL TIMES.. that's the message from our embassy..

Wednesday!
Pay day.. also known as the day for grocery shopping.
My scanner arrived in the mail today, but I was so busy with class stuff that I've just put it aside.. will probably hook it up this weekend.

A weird thing happened today while I was studying at Coffman during my break.. I was reading my textbook first, after finishing off one chapter, I decided to take a stroll before starting the next chapter.. five minutes later, I returned and sat at the same spot as before.. I noticed a girl sitting across from me, smiling.. I smiled back cause I had noticed her looking at me an hour before.. as I was taking my books out of my bag, she came to sit next to me..
then she said "I'm sorry if I'm disturbing but I feel like I need to ask you a few questions.."
I looked at her quizzically, wandering what this stranger wanted from me.. " Yeah.. it's ok. What do you wanna know?"
She looked at me and moved her fingers around her face as she said "Why are you wearing this? Is it a religious thing or something else completely?"
So I started explaining that I'm a Muslim and why I'm wearing it.. she also asked me why a man doesn't have to wear it, so I answered
with what I know.. explained about aurat, and this and that.. Then she started asking about Islam and Muslims.. I told her briefly what we believe in, all the while I noticed her big brass cross pendant on the necklace around her neck.. she asked about what I think of Jesus and 'Taurat' (the original old testiment Bible), so I had to explain the Islamic civilization and how it differs with Christianity.. we got really into the discussion when she started asking about the after life; things like Doomsday, Heaven and Hell.. when another girls who was following on our discussion in the next table came to join us...they were both Christians, she came and just kind of asks us if its ok that she joins the conversation cause it's very interesting listening to it from across the table.. I felt like I was put in the center... I said that I done mean to look like I'm preaching or anything cause there's really so many more knowledgeable people that they could consult about this but since we were already in the discussion, they wanted me to continue..
"You have to tell us cause we're really ignorant about all this, you're opening our eyes to the world out there.. you're doing all the muslims out there a favor!"
For a moment, I was really speechless.. but soon we started the discussion again and the ball was rolling.. I've never been put on a spot light like this before, defending what I've been believing all my life.. the second girl started sitting on the floor after an hour.. then I had to leave for lunch when Adam came to find me.. he joined the conversation for a while too.. I had to go so we introduced ourselves and left.. interesting..

Thursday
Sleepless in the twin cities...

Friday!
Someone pulled the emergency fire alarm at Moos Tower, and there was 4 fire truck along Washington Ave at around 10 am.
Had my last presentation for unit Ops. lab and led the discussion in my ES class on limiting population growth.. it was really fun being the head of the discussion with Laurel and Jenna.. went home, completely knackered..
Went to the Mall of America with Nad, WeiLin and Adam.. watched Dare Devil..




Today's front page headline : Tentera AS kini sedia tawan Iraq -- Hanya tunggu `lampu hijau' Bush untuk lancar serangan - Rumsfeld

What a crazy end to the week!.. It's been so hectic all week long, and it's not going to end anytime soon [Process Control's midterm next Monday] but at least I am done with all of my Unit Operations Lab presentations today, and there won't be another senior lab presentation for this semester [or ever! Yeay..]

So anyway, being all green and all nowadays.. here's my next article on current environmental issues. Note how I started the first line of the article with the same sentence I used last time.. today I'll be leading a discussion on whether limiting population growth is a key factor in protecting the global environment.. but for now, I'm gonna get something for lunch.. so read on!

SHOULD A PRICE BE PUT ON THE GOODS AND SERVICES PROVIDED BY THE WORLD’S ECOSYSTEM?

The never-ending debate of the ever-growing environmental crises increases the public awareness about the future of the environment. One of the current environmental issues is about pricing nature’s services and goods. Considering that a significant share of the world’s economy resulted from nature’s services, some may argue that attaching an economic price tag to these services and goods may encourage their protection, as well as increasing the publics’ awareness regarding the importance of these service providers. However, on the other hand, others may argue that pricing these services would be an attempt to simulate a market where units of biodiversity can be bought and sold, and would be considered as another source to be exploited. Even though the value of nature’s services is undoubtedly intangible, pricing it would give an estimate of its significance in our ecosystem as the services of nature are often misused due to failure to value them.

Putting a value to the nature’s services would be a way of creating public awareness by estimating the cost which would burden the society if these services had to be replaced. It could also be used as a way of weighing the effects of human activities on nature against the benefits gained from those activities. For example, according to Janet N. Abramovitz if a forest was saved from being transferred into a one-community plantation, it could produce a variety of non-timber forest products while also providing vital watershed protection and climate regulation (page 7). By appreciating the price of nature, human would think twice about destroying these natural resources. “Over the longer term, it was calculated that keeping the forest intact would ensure continued local uses of the area worth $10 million a year (providing 70 percent of local income) and protect fisheries worth $25 million a year - values that would be lost if the forest were cut.”(page 8)

Since the nature’s services contribute enormously in the world’s current economy, pricing these services could encourage its protection. Industrial companies would become more aware of pollution control and using this as an important base in their research and development of new products in the future. Fines and environmental policies are imposed on companies who exceed permitted emissions to control pollution. Nature’s services would no longer be taken for granted as those who interfere with it would be the ones paying for something to replace these services, or at least something to restore it back to its original form.

Though pricing nature’s goods and services are not intended to cheapen nature’s infinite value, it is a way of publicizing that the natural world is an exhaustible resource. Without basic knowledge, humans are more likely to misuse and destroy the ecosystem that provides such valuable services. Human impact on the world is very significant. The cumulative effects of land use and changes have global implications. Abramovitz states that an area can be harsher, drier and warmer once a forest is cleared because the missing plants and soil erosions have disrupted the natural water cycle (page 9). As the climate changes due to human activities, the value of being able to adjust local and global climates would increase.

Through pricing nature’s services and goods, it is also possible to educate and implant environmental ethics in the society. It would teach the public that we should all share the responsibility of caring for the ecosystem in order to maintain and preserve nature’s goods since there are no technological substitutes for most of nature’s services. For example, the cumulative effect of recycling our plastics and glass would save energy and cost as well as our natural reserves so that we would be able to share the conveniences that we have now with the future

Nature’s goods and services are undoubtedly inestimable, just as the value of a human life. There is a real risk of underestimating, or even possibly overestimating, depending on whether the purpose and precise contributions of the species is recognized. Implicitly, economic values are being put on human lives through thousands of governmental regulations. For example, mandatory seat belt laws cost $69 per year of life saved. For any number you pick between $20 foe which a motorcycle helmet can be purchased, and $20 billion for which benzene emission control at rubber-tire manufacturing plants, there is a governmental program from which that number can be inferred as the value of a statistical year of life. For every situation or every regulatory decision, responds to different ethical, economic, political, historical, and other conditions are considered in making decisions. Can we infer that people value their lives at only a few thousand dollars? No, it is simply that people fear and resent some risks less than others, and least of all those risks they control themselves. These moral factors affect private and public decisions about risk.

Pricing nature’s goods and services urges us to recognize the benefits ecosystems provide for free, in the hope that this will prompt us to defend these systems from relentless exploitation and destruction. These values are nothing but estimates which could somehow limit and control the destructions that are constantly being subjected to the Earth’s ecology. The main method of caring for the environment here is to increase awareness and to educate the public to be more responsible and environmentally ethical in our everyday errands.

TALKING TO MYSELF

Should be writing my paper right now.. Things'll be due Friday... Midterm on Monday...
Can't be doing this.. Stop procastinating!.. Set your priorities right...! arrrrrghhh..

Initially I was going to submit this paper for my class today but after reading and discussing on whether a price should be put on the goods and services provided by the world's ecosystem, I've changed my mind on what my first paper should be..
Nonetheless, I've decided to post it here, as to not waste my past effort.. read it and tell me what you think..

DO ENVIRONMENTALIST OVERSTATE THEIR CASE?


The never ending debate of the ever growing environmental crises increases the public awareness about the future of the environment. Environmentalists accuse the industrial leaders of being confused by misrepresenting scientific facts and overstating potential economic impact in order to protect their own profits. They also imply that the natural resources are rapidly declining, thus threatening the human survival. On the other hand, others argue that environmentalists tend to overstate fears about damage to ecosystems, that hyped environmental disasters tend not to happen and that man-made environmental disaster is far from a certainty. However, as in all debates, overstating facts to convince the public is a norm, and so environmentalists are of no exception.

One of the fascinating things about arguing with neoconservatives is the fast and loose usage of facts. Inevitably, environmentalists make dire predictions from time to time based on current technology. More often than not, a technological solution is proposed which diminishes those concerns. The penchant of radical environmentalists for casting hypotheses as facts, and ignoring all evidence against impending catastrophe, and their anti-human bias are much of a common perception. According to David Pimentel “One example of the impact of population growth and development is occurring in California where an average of 156000 ha of agricultural land is being lost each year. At this rate it will not be long before California ceases to be the number one state in US agricultural production” (108). This type of overstatement and twist of fact could easily be contrasted to saying that if horse traffic in London continued to increase, then in fifty years the streets would be filled with ten feet of dung. Of course, technology and inventions has its own way of changing the human’s lifestyle in order to improve our life. London has switched to internal combustion which has been changing day by day to suit our convenience. Even though air pollution is the current environmental issue, it is not impossible that in the future, humans would develop other methods of traveling or ways of reducing carbon dioxide emission.

Overstatement is far from being a problem unique to ecology. Both sides of a debate tend to overstate their cases. Economists depend on the spectra of inflation for their mantra. If there is no inflation threat on the horizon, it would be invented, while making a molehill out of the more important problems to which none of the unproven remedies can be applied. Just like the witch doctors of the east, they operate by convincing us we are ill, or are about to become ill, when we are not. It is the same with radical environmentalists who claims that imminent disaster is a near certainty, and that we as a species must therefore drastically change our ways.

Science can be politicized. We like to take ally positions. In doing so, we seek to use and create scientific knowledge for the purpose of supporting those positions. Indeed, to gain public good research funds, it helps to be seen to be in a politically correct site that is predisposed to the current biases of the funding authorities. The same could be applied to environmentalists. In order to change the publics’ perception and lifestyle, it seems necessary to overstate. Undoubtedly this has resulted in some positive outcomes such as the 1972’s Conference on the Human Environment, 1983’s US Environmental Protection Agency and 1992’s Earth Summit on Sustainable Development, to name a few (xviii).

Whether doom for us is global warming, inflation, or profligate public servants, we could relax a bit, accept the 80:20 rule that 80% of what happens to us individually and collectively is beyond our control, and just get on with living our lives through maintaining a moral respect for the environment. We can behave well for ourselves and for our environment without having to control other people's behavior through the use of overstated scenarios of doom. Yes environmentalists were wrong to overstate, but not because their conclusions were false. Whales were hunted almost to extinction. Coal resources have been exhausted in many parts of the world. Deforestation was a major problem, and many previously forested areas have never recovered. While new and improved methods of protecting and preserving the environment should continuously be researched and developed, unbiased facts and information should be distributed to the public in order to increase public awareness. Overstating facts would only erode the public’s trust on environmentalists just like the tale of the boy who cried wolf. After all, isn’t human morality more important than environmental conservation?

BRING IT ON

Here it is.."14th of February - Single Awareness Day"..
It's so amazing how these Americans are making such a big fuss about Valentine's Day.. I came to work yesterday and sarah gave me a bunch of candies with a harry Potter valentine's card in the bag... Every year it's always a surprise when people give me candies for valentines.. I don't celebrate it but then again candies = food = rezeki. I think if you love someone so much, then maybe everyday should be equivalent to these American's Valentine's Day.. or maybe like once a week.. the husband should give flowers to their wife once a week.. Yeah, that sounds right.. everytime the flower wilts there should be new flowers given to the wife to celebrate the marriage and to show that you actually appreciate your wife..in exchange the wife would give you all the domestic goods you need.. care, affection, loyalty..food, etc..

Yesterday I was working with Amanda and we were both trying our best to complete our assignments and study cause I had a paper due and she had a physics midterm..but as in any study session.. there's always the initial chat to get things rolling.. so she was asking me where I'm living in the Fall... cause she needs to move out of her Marcy Apartments cause there's too many people living there.. and the rent will be going up again.. I told her that I'll be living at the same place but differet apartment.. so we looked at how much it costs monthly, and since the rent covers all utilities she thought that it's more or less what she's paying right now.. she wants to move in with me but could only afford the shared room option.. but I'm such a radical morning person.. morning to me is not just 6 am.. usually it's 3.30, nowaday my biological clock just wakes me up at that time..I don't usually sleep during the day so I try to balance it out with night sleep. That's normal but I can't have roommates cause I feel that I'm going to interfere with their sleeping patterns.. so I've told her to try with Timber cause Angie's going to stay with her parents in the fall..

I was listening to my favorite morning radio KDWB, like I always do in the morning, and they had the Big Fat Fat Wedding where they have a competition to find the heaviest couple.. then the couple that wins have 7 days to get ready for the wedding and everything is paid for including the ring, the wedding clothes, food.. everything.. sounds like a dream come true.. Amazing! Being a morning person I just love morning shows.. some are really wacky ones like UK's BBC Big Beakfast Show with Chris Evans.. I crack myself up all the time.

LIKE THIS

What has happened with Wednesday? The day seems to have passed me by and I couldn't even freeze a moment of it.. so many things todo and so little time to get it done by...I promised Qamar that I'd email him the design specifications for our project, and I also promised myself that I would get my Greek & Roman Mythology paper done tonight so that I could print it out at work Thurday morning.. and now it's midnight and Thursday has already arrived...

As you might have noticed, I have added some new features to this blog.. including some changes in the guestbook and photo album. Nothing big but still .. I bought a new scanner online today.. Actually, I won it through eBay..$27.50.. good deal, huh?
I love it when somebody signs my guestbook, so if you have a minute, gimme a holler.. tell me what you think.

I don't feel sleepy tonight [listening to Abba's "Dancing Queen"], but I don't wanna spend too much time here too...

Today's high : With Nad's cell phone purchase, the N Cubed girls have now all been added into a Shared Family Plan - unlimited minutes babeh..
"So don't mess with my girls, I'm gonna be one who'll bring it to ya!"
Today's low : Found out that some of the yummy yogurt I loved is inedible... gelatin ma!

SELAMAT HARI RAYA AIDIL ADHA

While some 2 million Muslims pilgrims gather from all over the world to perform the Hajj pilgrimage, I was sitting on my sejadah thousand and thousands of miles from them reading the holy Quran last night, as I usually do after at least one of my daily prayers every day. But last night I felt something different, I heard myself reading and somehow I feel like I don't want to stop. I don't understand most of what I was reading but I feel at peace, like nothing is bothering me. I wanted the moment to last, so I read and read and read until my eyes were dried. I closed the holy book and kissed it three times, and I sat there touching and looking at the golden floral patterns on the green leather cover for the longest time. I was thinking of life and what I've amounted to. I thought of how generous Allah has been to me and I started to praise him continuously. Tears came dripping from its well, and there's just no stopping..

One thing that I want to do when, and if, I have children is to teach them to read the Quran. I don't want anybody else to teach it. I think it should be the responsible of the parents to initially teach them this important knowledge. Nowadays, parents just don't have the time to teach their kids about this and other important stuff. They'd go to work and send the kids to school hoping against all odds that the money they've paid for education is going to completely cover for all that the kids need to know in order to survive. When I was younger, my dad taugh me to read.. starting with memorizing the alif, ba, ta and moving on to the Muqaddam and the Al-Quran. Sometimes he'd have to force us to read it cause we'd rather watch 'Thunder Cats' or the 'Smurf' on Sunday morning, but usually I would read with my dad on some mornings after subuh. My mum would be downstairs in the kitchen preparing breakfast, and my brother would be getting ready for class and my younger sister would fall back asleep. I loved reading in the morning, cause the sun's not up and it's still cool and everything seems so peaceful. My dad would teach me to memorize the short surahs as he reads. It would be our moment.. Sometimes, I would just listen to him read, feels so wonderful, just the two of us. Later, when I had to start to get ready for class he'd turn the radio on real loud, reciting Allah's words. Those moments seems so long ago..

Last time I went back for summer break, my parents and I went to Melacca. My other siblings didn't come cause they had school and University to deal with. Abah had a conference for his work. DBP was paying him to write a Malay Science and Engineering Dictionary along with other panels. It was late night when he returned from his many meetings and mum and I was already sleeping. Then my dad prayed and the sound of his soft voice reciting his prayers woke me. I lay there with my eyes open mesmerized at his voice. I haven't heard a man pray for such a long time. Memories flashed. So many memories of us praying together as a family years ago. Those precious moments. Weird how small things like that means so much.. I haven't prayed with my dad, or my family, for years. Lately, it's always alone.. the last time I prayed with a jemaah was on the 1st of Syawal months ago.

I couldn't make it to the mosque this morning due to lab from 8 til noon. I even forgot that it was Eid today, I wouldn't have realised it too if it hadn't been Qamar who whispered his Eid Greeting to me this morning as I was doing my microscopic analysis on some filter cels. I turned around stunned, he had to repeat a couple of times cause I couldn't catch what he was saying. After lab, I went straight to the ChE study lounge to do some research on drug pump batteries for my next Design Project. Then I had Process Control recitation. I went to Al-Madinah's cultural center at lunch time to pray, and then I went to another class. I had to go to work right after that, so I went to pray first before punching in..will have to study later tonight. I was granted an extension on both of my independent and distant learning courses but I'm planning to finish it as soon as possible. I'm trying to weigh out whether I should or should not further my studies. I want to apply for Direct Research with a faculty in the Chemistry department, I just don't see myself as an engineer.. it was never my childhood dream, I just wanted to fly!

I had wished my mum and my family last night, but other than that there's not much going on. It was kind of sad to hear that 14 Pilgrims had passed away, but Allah has His own rewards for His true believers. I saw Aida yesterday, she has started to wear her hijab (tudung) once again, I'm glad. Alhamdullilah :)

Please vote...Just wanna know what everyone thinks about this!





We had a pop quiz in my ES class today, and at the end of the class the Proffesor said that he's willing to give us an extra credit if we did one simple thing.

He said that he would give us an extra 4 or 10 points..
each person would get as many points as they request, on one simple condition that no more than 25% of the class requested the full 10 points but we're not suppose to discuss with anyone, cause after all it was a quiz. I thought about this for a long time.. shall I take a risk and ask for the full 10 point, or should I play it safe and just ask for 4, cause 4 is better than nothing at all.. After putting alot of thought into it, I wrote that I wanted 4 points.

As the papers were passed to the side I saw that some people did ask for a 10.. I felt a tinge of jealousy "what if he did get a 10 and I only got a 4, that's stupid, I could have got it and I just let the chance go"... and that was all that I could think of, how much I would loose... I learnt later that this is what is called a SOCIAL TRAP..

I was trying to think of how this is related to our real life.. lately we've discussing about whether we should limit the number of kids we have in order to avoid overpopulation in the future. I thought that birth limitations are so unnatural. I don't want to be limited to just have 2 children. I want to be able to have a big happy family, where the dining table is always full of family members and the living room is full of loved ones while we watch our favourite show together... I want my children to crowd around my bed reading the Yasin when I'm dying.. But is that a selfish request?

In some countries, they do limit their family members, such as in China. I remember that while I was in UK, 2.4 is the average number of children per couple. That's why there's a family comedy show called "2.4 kids".. not sure if it's still on in BBC.. In Amish communities, they would limit their group to 150 people, and whenever there's more than 150 people, they would split into two groups.. They believe that if groups get bigger than 150 people, then they will be strangers to one another.. if you think about it, this is true.. that's why it's sometimes nice to live in small villagers "where everybody knows your name, and they're always glad you came"...

Anyway, while I was deep in my thought, a TA came to the Prof to give the result of our extra credit quiz.. 65 people requested 4 points, however 28 people requested 10 points....Over 30% of the class requested 10 points... So at the end of the day, we all got 0 points!!

UNANIMOUS ANONYMOUS

Shaz had just told me that the next MISG (Malaysian Islamic Study Group) might be in Minnesota this spring break. I've always wanted to go to one of these events but I've always made other plans ahead of time every spring break before this. Plus, previously they had also done these gatherings durig our school session since we do not have breaks at the same time as other Universities. I told her that if they do it here, she's welcome to stay at my apartment. It's going to be on the 15-16 of March. Since I still haven't bought my tickets yet, I'm thinking that maybe I want to join this thing once before I never get a chance to join it. InsyaAllah.

N CUBED

Here's us; Nad, Noris + Nadia in University of Illinois, Urbana Champaign from our last road trip.

I know I said that I'd talk about our trip but I don't really want to dwell on every detail of the trip since it's almost a month ago.. Basically, it was a very spontaneous trip and we left at 10 pm after eating dinner atthe Riverside Restaurant, we went to Madison for the night and headed to Chicago in the morning bringing along Dirah and Nurul in exchange for Siti, who stayed in Madison with her friend... Our KIA car broke down in just past Chicago O'hare airport due to a broken radiator.. so it took us almost all day to wait for the tow truck and to get a new car.. we exchanged our compact car for a MERCURY luxury car and went straight to Penang Restaurant [we were starving by then] Later we went to En. Mokhtar's house for dinner, and to Tuan Haji's house for supper [both MSD officers].. the girls slept at Tuan Haji's house while the boys slept at En. Mokhtar's house. Early the next morning, we drove to the MSD Office with Tuan Haji and met the boys there.. we went to walk around the North Western University and bought suveniors, later we separated as the boys spent the day touring around Chicago with Nurul and Dirah.. while the three of us went to UIUC .. we had lunch at Rapik's house and walked around campus.. then we headed back to Madison that night.. I slept at the Girl's house in Princeton Ave gain that night.. the next morning, Eena woke me up and toook me out for breakfast with Pablo, then later we hung out at their new apartment and that night Pablo, Hakim and Mudin had an open house. So I met up with all of my friends there that night. The next day we headed back to Minnesota, picked up WEi Lin from the airport after unpacking the trunk.. and the next day we went shopping before we returned the car... The day after that, school started....

Three weeks later...Everyone's starting to make plans for spring break; Nad, Weilin, Fatin and someone else is going to Atlanta, Georgia.. my cousin is asking me if I want to visit his sister in Switzerland while his mum and dad is there too [February and March] and I've sort of promised Eena that I'd go to New York City (NYC) with her, which is where I'm really thinking of going actually. Fajarrani and her Indonesian friends are also going to go to NYC, she said maybe we can plan to meet somewhere while we're there.. sounds good to me.. I hope we'll make it...

Still at work right now, feeling pretty bored and very hungry...wanna go home, where are you Jena?

We didn't have change in our safe earlier today, so I had to stuff the cash in my coat pocket and ran to the bank to get some change cause the bank would be closed early today and there wouldn't be enough cash for the weekend if I don't do something right now..I was so scared that someone might rob me if they knew that I was carrying so much money in my coat pocket so I walked super fast and looked down all the time.. My coat pockets were so full of dollar bills by the time I was out of the bank, it made me feel so nervous walking back to the office. But I made it safely.. Alhamdullilah..

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BABY GIRL

Today is my baby sister's birthday, well she's not really a baby but if you're the youngest in the family, you're always the baby.. Aisyah is turning 15 today, she'll be taking her PMR later this year. My how time flies.. I could still remember the first time I saw her at home.. I was coming home from school one day and my grandma was waiting on the swing in our garden as the bus drops me and my brother home.. she told me that my mother had just given birth to a new sister at noon that day. Somehow I wasn't too excited at the thought of another baby in the house cause the last time I had a baby sister [when I was five] I felt that I had to help out a lot with getting this and that for the baby.. and I could still remember how noisy the baby cried at night, bla..bla.. bla... so the thought of going through all that again was not too exciting.. That evening I was walking in our garden with my dad to feed the white pigeon that we have and he asks me what I'd like to name the new baby.. "what about 'Farah' ?"I suggested... that's one of my friend's name from the Quran recital classes that I attended.. I could see that Abah didn''t agree.. He said "kalau 'Farah' nanti 'Parah' "... I laughed so hard, I could still remember it now..it turns out that Abah wanted to name the girls "Nor Something".. so that's why he didn't agree to it..
The baby arrived the next day along with the return of mama.. As I got off the school bus, I saw my aunts and my uncles car parked in our drive way and along the side of the streets.. I got in and all the guests were sitting in the living room, mama was lying down in our extra bedroom downstairs and the new baby was next to her.. Abah told me that her name is Nor Ai'syah.. everyone was surrounding the baby and I had to squeeze in to get to the front. Mama smiled and I stared at the baby, she was so fair and her hair was light brown like a doll, I hugged mama and she kissed me... later I got to hold the new baby for the first time.. I was so excited!

When I was younger people always says that I look like my dad, the uncles at the masjid would always guess who's daughter I am whenever they see me' but as I grew up people say that I look more like my mum when she was at my age..quite a compliment actually; mama was beautiful. Abang and Husna looks like mama too, Nora looks like someone from Abah's side of the family.. and Aisyah, she's really a blend of both.. she stands out cause she's so fair, and I have a feeling she's gonna be tall like Nora. I didn't get a chance to meet both of my grandpas but I was told that Abah's dad was a tall guy, maybe that's where she got it from.. she must be 5' 8" and the last time I checked Aisyah is slightly taller than me, and that was when she was in her early 13.. Her hair is not as brown as mine but she's still fair.

People always asks mama why her kids are all of different shades, she said that she was testing out old folk's myths.. when she was pregnant with Abang, people kept telling her to eat this and avoid that but she decided to eat what she wants just to see if it is true.. and Abang turns out slightly dark.. then when she was pregnant with me, she tried the soya beans and avoiding spicy food and stuff like that and so I turned out lighter, then she did the same thing with Nora too.. when she was pregnant again she wanted to check if it would be the same with girl babies as it is with boys.. so she decided not to drink the soya milk and stuff.. as a result Husna is so similar to Abang, they even look alike too, with the curly hair and all.. they look so cute together. With Aisyah she didn't only drink soya milk, she also drank unpasturized milk [the type you have to order from Bengali people].. the milk smells and you have to drink it while it's warm, every evening they would send it to our house... and so when Aisyah was born, she was sooo fair... so I guess, the experiment was a success!

I called Aisyah today, she was telling me about her birthday celebration.. I miss her so much! She said that Abang bought her a pretty denim shirt, I asked her if I could borrow it.. she said "yeah! when you come back".. the last time I came back, she was wearing my clothes.. it's so much fun when the four of us sisters get together, we're all about the same size right now that we could share each others clothes, especially tops... I can't borrow Nora's pants cause they're too long, and some of Husna's are slightly big but Aisyah and I could share pants and skirts.. we could even wear each others' shoes. I can't wait to get back home..

THAT"S MY HEAD, WOMAN!

The head is sacred! You don't play around with a person's head jokingly, even if it's in a good way.. and most crucially, you DON'T kick a ball at a persons head, [consciencely or unintentionally] look at them in the eye and just walk away pretending as if it didn't happen. No matter who you are, how good you are, you just don't do that! Turn around and apologize that would've made things so much more better.. Especially if you know that the person is in no way amused by your rude action.

I was playing indoor soccer today, and this one person, Q, decided to take a little rest.. so she opt out of the practice session and sat outside the presumable unproportional field that we have. Ten minutes later, we took a 5 minute break and so Q decided to sharpen her skill and took a shot at the ball.. she happens to kick the ball at the back of my feet as I was leaning against the fence.. I turned around and she looked at me and continued on... I thought that it was weird that she didn't apologize but just shook it off cause no big deal... This is so like her.. sabar.. sabar...
so then later, I got up and was getting ready to tell the other players what we're gonna be doing next when suddenly, out of no where, a ball came hitting my head, so I turned around.. and sure enough it was Q.. I looked at her she looked at me and just continued dribbling the ball as if nothing had ever happened... I thought THAT"S MY HEAD WOMAN.. I was mad, have you no decency..? didn't you pass pre-school?
I was so mad that it shows, there was two balls on the field and Q kicked the ball towards me telling us that we were going to use this specific ball [which wasn't the ball we've been using in practice before that] so I said that we should use the other ball.. so I picked up the ball and threw the other ball out to the next field cause we only need one ball for the game.. if I hadn't thrown that ball I would've probably needed a punch bag to take the anger out! Some of the girls knew what happened.. they came to me later and said that Q should've said sorry for hitting my head instead of just ignoring it. it wasn't so hard to do.. we all do it all the time, I mean, you loose control of the ball.. you hit someone and so you automatically apologize.. we're all prone to mistakes here, just be brave enough to own up to it...it's not much of a request...
The evening moved to night and soon the 2 hour session was over, didn't feel like staying over so I left. I've volunteered to help cooking for the JPA meeting tomorrow anyway [eventhough I'm really a MARA scholar]

Earlier that afternoon I was cooking chicken rice at Alauddin's house with Azrin while the boys went to perform their Friday prayers.. I had to go to class at 2 so I didn't have a chance to eat the food with them.. I saw Din at the gym and he told me to come over later that night but by the time I was home, I was too tired to eat.. basically I skipped all my meals today, I'm just not hungry..Hope they enjoyed the food... cooking for others is always a discreet pleasure of mine..

Not everything went bad today, I had some progress academically. Had my first presentation today, Rowland was also suppose to come but he didn't turn up at all.. we were all worried that it would affect our grades as a group but then Prof Parent [yeah,that's his real name] said that it's his grade not ours cause we've made every effort possible to get him to the presentation today but he just didn't turn up.. so I had to make a summary of Rwland's presentation without his slides and continued on with my own presentation.. Allah must've looked over my shoulders cause everything just came flowing out of my mouth as if it was meant to be.. I wasn't looking at any notes, I just talked and talked and answered the instructors questions confidently, they were even impressed with my slides.. and both the TA and the Pof gave positive feedbacks afterwards... Alhamdullilah.. I even finished my hw early and participated in my evening class's discussion today.. I love my classes this semester... especially the ES class (Environmental Science) where we are constantly discussing the issues in the environment... I have to write a paper on whether " Environmentalists overstate their case".. what do you think?.. I asked Chad at work yesterday, he said "Yeah" unhesitantly.. it's gonna be an intteresting paper.. iin a way, I think it's very personal, and you can get really involved in writing this paper... I'm really looking forward to this one..[queer reaction to homework if you ask me!]

Anyway, I have to work early tomorrow, and my bed is calling my name.. this is killing me softly.. I have to surrender ! Au revoir mon amie! Tschus!

DON"T FORGET ME!!

I'm at work right now, actually I'm suppose to be done in 5 minutes but I promised Amanda that I'd stay with her tonight cause last week I didn't hang out with her at work and the week before I didn't come at all. She misses those good times when we'd have those double shifts and order food for dinner and study together afterwards.. I used to do that once a week with her, so she had scheduled that every Thursday night we'd have shifts together again this semester. Which in a way is quite nice.. cause studying together just kinda makes things lighter.. plus, I know that if I'd go home, I'll probably spend too much time doing something else rather than studying..

It's been rather chilly recently, especially today, it's freezing out there. I really liked it when it was snowing before though, I love the feel of the soft snow melting on my nose. Plus, when it snows it's usually not that cold.. usually it's the day after the snow that the ice starts to freeze, and that's when it's cold. On Monday when it was snowing, I actually wished that the snow wouldn't stop til it's up to my abdomen or something.. I just wished that there's a snow storm so bad that the university would be closed and that the roads were so jammed that everyone is stuck at home.. so then it'll be a major national snow day and I'd have one more day to sleep in and just not bother with anything... ahhh, the simple joy of life..

Tom, or should I say Adam [his new Islam name], will finally be coming back to America after 6 months of helping out with his family's gold business. He was in LA for a while but now he's doing business deals in Asia. He's been to Malaysia three times already, visiting my family without me, I'm so jealous.. He's also on his way to go to Malaysia again right now [I wanna be where he's at, nice and warm and on my way to meet my lovely parents], cause he wants to pick up his flight ticket at my house back home [cause he doesn't trust the Cambodian mailing system, that's where he's at visiting his grandma and training for diamond placement skills], he called me this morning and told me that he's going to take the train from Phnom Phen to Thailand to go to Malaysia. I read the news and found out that there's a train crash .. I'm worried that he's in that train. I hope not. Recently, I found out from Prof. Macosko that one of my lab mates from last semester was a victim of a hit and run accident on Sunday evening at 3pm at his neighbourhood. He's not suffering from any broken bones but his head is all wacked up. He can't remember things or people that well and he's still in Hennepin Hospital..

Other recent local news is about the dispute over the ownership of Pulau Batu Puteh between the Malaysian and the Singaporeans.

IF YOU'D LIKE TO BUY ME FLOWERS, JUST GO AHEAD NOW
IF YOU'D LIKE TO TALK FOR HOURS, JUST GO AHEAD NOW!

Was kinda upset today that I couldn't save my report on my computer account at the computer in the Chem E study lounge today. Fortunately Joe came to the rescue and let me borrow his zip disk to save some stuff so that I could transfer it to my email account. Then I found out that it's not really my account that's full but some computer glitch.. Joe tried to fix it without erasing my report cause this has also happened to him once before but he couldn't remember how.. sadly I couldn't save anything at all.. so I just printed out the report and later gave it to Rowland who wasn't done with his Sample Design Calculation yet.

I had a mini rose plant which I put on my window sill right now, but recently it's shredding a lot of its leaves and the ones that are splurting out are more in the yellow shade of green. I think that the fertilizers that I put in it was not suitable and I'm really worried about my little rose plant. It's suppose to be blooming pink roses, but the latest rose bud seems to be giving me a very pale pink rose.
I wonder if fertilizers go bad? or maybe I've just used the wrong type..Being a chemistry major and all, you'd think I'd know.

HEARTS HOLD TRUTH WORDS COULD ONLY HINT AT~ quote from a fortune cookie

It's one o'clock and i still have tonnes to do for today.. What sucks the most is that I just remembered that I have to work for two hours today cause I promised Amanda that I'd work for her cause she's gonna be gone this weekend. Actually the last time I met her on Friday nigt she told me that she cancelled her trip back to Wisconsin cause her mum was worried that there would be ice on the road from the 'forcasted ' snow.. well surprise, surprise! No snow in sight, but Amanda didn't turn up for work yesterday and I'm thinking that she won't turn up again today cause she knows that she had already got someone else to cover up for her...I just called the office and Liz is working rigtnow, so obviously Amanda won't be at work... so I'lll just have to turn up at 2.30pm!!! And I thought that I wouldn't have to get out today, duh!

Went out again last night.. seems to be the thing I've been doing in the past few days.. last night, Emma and Siti have booked me for Saturday night since the break and so yesterday, Emma called again and told me that they wanna treat me at the Odyssey Restaurant at the mall. So after work, I waited for her to call me again cause Siti has her piano class til 3.30, I went to Nad's place cause Wei Lin is still there from our Chinese New Year celebration dinner from the night before [I'll write about this below] and we had some lunch cause Nad cooked.. I brought in some desert [baked Apple Pie] and we ate as we finished off the movie that we started the night before. I went home to get ready and Zack called to tell me that he wants to come to visit cause he's already at UV. Turns out that he was helping the juniors moved into UV. So he came over for a while, just before I left the girls [who just moved in UV] called to say that they wanted to hang out at my place.. so I told them that I'm rushing to leave already cause Emma and Siti was already waiting. So finally, we later went out and met Siti and Emma downtown cause we missed the bus that we were suppose to take. When we got to the MoA [Mall of America, biggest mall in America, 'helping' us to finish off our money] we found out that the Odysey is closed for good.. Feeling really disappointed we decided to go to the Rainforest Cafe.. the girls haven't been to any of the restaurants yet but I have before with Kak Ija just before she left before.. so I know that they had really good seafood meals to eat.. we had to make reservations first though, we had to wait about one and a half hour so we went shopping first... we [WeiLin, Nad and I] had planned not to buy anything for the next month since our last trip to the mall about two weeks ago but we found a new super cool store at the mall and emmm.....you understand, heheh... we bought atleast two new items each.. arghhh.... temptation! At eight we met again and ate in there.It was so much fun, the food was delicious, the drinks were tasty.. and we even had deserts.. the volcano! everyone was hyper... we took so many pictures...

On Chinese New Year night, we went out once again to the Village Wok and ate some seafood once again.. the interesting part is when the Chinese Lions [I think they are dragons] came in at 10.30pm and the girls ran to the Harvard market next door and bought instant cameras to take the picture of the dragons as it danced in the store and the music was blasting .. the store owner gave us angpows [not filled ones but empty ones to give to the dragon when it comes over to us]... I'll put the pictures up when its developed. No wonder the owner of the store was there [you can tell they have suits on.] that's the third time we went out this week cause we had also gone out on the night of my birthday too...

Anyway... I tried to do the PILATE exercise this morning.. [using Timber's videos] I thought it was kind of easy but looks can seriously be deceiving! I saw Timber doing it before, but it's really hard.. it's not like aerobic exercise, but it's more like a sculpturing exercise focusing on the abs and buns [power zone].. it's suppose to be good on your spine too.. very much like yoga, they even tell you when to breathe as you move.. hahaha...

Anyway I'm gonna fold my laundry before I have to go to work.. but before I end this entry I have something to pass on. Please take a momoent of your time to help the People of Iraq <--click here. Make donations if you could and pass it on to others. May your kindness be rewarded with Ar-Rahman's blessings. Amin.

Ever felt like you wanted to help the people of Iraq but don't know how. Well here's one!

Eid-ul Adha, or Hari Raya Haji, as we know it, is a form of mercy from Allah (SWT). It is a day of celebration and remembrance of Allah. Yet somehow not all of us are fortunate to enjoy this day and it is the duty of the more fortunate amongst us to help those in need. In Iraq, people sell their household goods for food, collecting dried bread and other leftovers to eat. Every day is a struggle for survival, and meat is a rare treat. At the time of receiving their Udhiya / Qurbani (Korban), some of the families have not eaten meat for more than a year. Naturally, the demand for the meat is so great, some families could only receive about a kilogram.

It costs only about $50 for each lamb Udhiya, $55 for each ram Udhiya, or $280 for a cow. Please be a part of this project and encourage others to do the same.

"It is neither their meat nor their blood that reaches ALLAH, but it is piety from you that reaches Him."[Q22:37].

Tragic news of the day, Space shuttle crashes on re-entry..it's all over the local television channels and radio stations. I can tell that people are going to be talking about this months from now..

It's been quite an eventful week.. when I said that I'd write soon I didn't have as much to say as what I do now from what I've experienced yesterday.

On my birthday (last Tuesday), one of my close friends suffered an asthma attack.. though it wasn't really serious it was enough for her to ask for help, so I took her to the Boynton Health Service [which is like our University's Health Clinic].. while she had her breathing inspected by the nurses there, I started reading some pamphlets about vitamins and irons supplements cause I remember that the family doctor that I met back home told me that I need to keep taking vitamin B or something to increase the production of blood cels so that my hands wouldn't turn purple..

An hour later while waiting for my friend to get her medications I decided to talk to one of the nurses to ask her if she thinks that I need to take any vitamins. She decided to set an appoinment for me to meet an nutritionist on Friday evening. So after class, I went to see the doctor and she sat with me and asked some questions about my hands, my health, general questions and stuff. After a while she concluded that I am experiencing Raynaud's Phenomena. She explains what happens and why it happens and it seems to make sense and matches the symptoms that I've been experiencing. However, my condition is still mild and is not as bad as what I she describes. She says that what happens is that whenever I'm cold the arteries at the tip of my fingers [and possibly my toes too] would shrink and wouldn't allow the blood to flow to the tip and it would turn pinker than a normal person's when I'm warm because the blood would flow possibly because the arteries would expand bigger.

In extreme cases the fingers could turn white if no blood flows at all but that has not happened to me as far as I know. It is actually quite common in women living in cold climates. She said that 4 in every 10 women in America is known to experience this effect. There's not really any medication other than prevention. I need to keep warm, wear two layers of glove if needed, warm sweaters, thick socks.. that kind of thing.

I told my dad about it this morning cause he's always worried about my purple fingers even back in Malaysia [my fingers would turn purple even when I'm in an air conditioned room, and my house in Malaysia is fully air conditioned in every room except the kitchen and the toilets.. I did ask my dad to put a normal ceiling fan in my room when he renovated the house but I think he forgot].. So this adds to his "another reason why my daughter shouldn't stay in Minnesota [the coldest state in USA] and come back home" list.. I looked up some information about my not-so-serious condition:

What is Raynaud's Phenomenon?
Raynaud's Phenomenon is a Disorder of the small blood vessels that feed the skin. During an attack of Raynaud's, these arteries contract briefly, limiting blood flow. This is called a vasospasm. Deprived of the blood's oxygen, the skin first turns white then blue. The skin turns red as the arteries relax and blood flows again. Extremities--hands and feet--are most commonly affected, but Raynaud's can attack other areas such as the nose and ears.

What are the symptoms?

Symptoms include changes in skin color (white to blue to red) and skin temperature (the affected area feels cooler). Usually there is no pain, but it is common for the affected area to feel numb or prickly, as if it has fallen asleep.

What causes Raynaud's?

Doctors do not completely understand the cause of Raynaud's, but they believe the body's blood vessels overreact to cold.

When the body is exposed to cold, the hands and feet lose heat rapidly. To conserve heat, the body reduces the amount of blood flowing to these areas by narrowing the small arteries that supply them with blood. In persons with Raynaud's, these small blood vessels overrespond to cold. For example, reaching into a refrigerator may trigger an attack.

Cold temperatures are more likely to provoke an attack when the individual is physically or emotionally stressed. For some persons, exposure to cold is not even necessary; stress alone causes vessels to narrow.

Who is affected?

Women between the ages of 15 and 50 are most often affected, but anyone can have the problem. It is not known for sure how many people suffer from these symptoms, but Raynaud's is a common problem.

How is Raynaud's diagnosed?

An attack is usually temporary, so the doctor relies on the patient's description to diagnose the problem. The doctor will also determine whether the patient has Raynaud's alone (called primary Raynaud's phenomenon) or if another disease or some aspect of the patient's lifestyle is causing the symptoms. If the problem is caused by another disease or risk factor, the patient is said to have secondary Raynaud's phenomenon.

Is primary Raynaud's different from secondary Raynaud's?

Yes. Primary Raynaud's usually affects both hands and both feet, and the cause is not known for certain. Secondary Raynaud's usually affects either both hands or both feet. Causes of secondary Raynaud's can be identified. Smoking is one cause. Some drugs may also cause this form of Raynaud's phenomenon. These include:


Some heart and blood medications.


Migraine headache medications.

Other medical conditions that may cause secondary Raynaud's phenomenon include:
Scleroderma--a thickening and hardening of the skin and other body tissues.


Systemic lupus erythematosus--a chronic inflammation of the skin and organ systems.


Rheumatoid arthritis--a chronic inflammation and swelling of tissue in the joints.


Blood flow reduction--problems that slow or stop blood flow in a vessel. These include inflammation and hardening of the arteries (arteriosclerosis).


Nerve problems--problems that affect the nerves supplying the muscles.


Pulmonary hypertension--a condition in which the blood pressure rises in the blood vessels of the lungs.
Injuries may also cause Raynaud's phenomenon. They can result from frostbite, surgery, or other causes. For example, regular use of machinery such as chain saws and vibrating drills can hurt blood vessels. Other activities that may aggravate the phenomenon are regular typing and piano playing.

What are the treatments for Raynaud's?

Patients with primary Raynaud's are taught how to prevent attacks. In patients with secondary Raynaud's, doctors first treat the underlying cause. Vasodilators--drugs that help relax artery walls to improve blood flow--may be prescribed for patients with secondary Raynaud's or primary Raynaud's that resists other forms of therapy.

Are there ways to prevent attacks?

Yes. People suffering from Raynaud's should protect themselves from cold and keep all parts of their body warm--not just their extremities. Outdoors in winter, they should wear scarves, warm socks and boots, and mittens or gloves under mittens because gloves alone allow heat to escape. People with Raynaud's should also wear wristlets to close the space between the sleeve and mitten. Indoors, people should wear socks and comfortable shoes. When taking food out of the refrigerator or freezer, they should wear mittens, oven mitts, or pot holders.

Patients with Raynaud's should guard against cuts, bruises, and other injuries to the affected areas. Activities such as sewing may have to be limited.

Patients who smoke should quit. Doctors may also adjust medications if the drugs appear to be responsible for the symptoms.

After several sessions of training, patients can often prevent or stop attacks using biofeedback, a technique in which patients are taught to "think" their fingers or toes warm.

What is the prognosis?

Between 40 to 60 percent of patients with primary Raynaud's respond to management techniques. A rare but serious complication of primary Raynaud's is dry gangrene, or dead flesh. This may occur if the arteries stay contracted so that blood cannot bring oxygen to the area.

In most people with secondary Raynaud's, the problem does not get worse.